I Feel Like A Freak

I am tearing as I type this entry. My 3rd aunt called and she went on and on about what the maid said about me, what she thinks about me, questioning me in a tone that was less than friendly... and I just feel so...  misunderstood and unappreciated.


Growing up, I really felt like a freak. People keep telling me, "No this is not right, you should do it this way. You should do it that way. No you should be like this, no you should be like that."



I feel like I'm a piece of trash simply because I don't fit into their mold, their socially accepted norms of what a good girl should be. If a girl doesn't come home before 10pm, doesn't clean, doesn't wash, doesn't do household chores, she is a horrible horrible horrible girl. Even my parents, the very people who brought me into this earth doesn't appreciate my personality and my way of doing things. And I feel like I'm a piece of shit. And when I was doing something right, where were they? Why did they all go? Did they give me a word of encouragement? In my darkest hours of struggling, were they there for me?



If I was a little innocent 10-year-old kid who didn't know what is right and what is wrong, they probably can do that.... But now that I am a working adult, I clearly know what my priorities in life are, what are the things that are important to me, what are not important, and I will not bow down to what THEY THINK ARE IMPORTANT just to fit in, just to be accepted, just to be loved because that is not representative of who I am as a person. I have my convictions and I am very strong about them. The world is filled with people who will do things that other people asks them to do, even though it is not what they really want, just for the sake of pleasing people and I'm not saying that that is wrong, it's just what they choose to be and it is okay, but when I choose to be myself, I get shit for it. 




I'm realized one thing, the desire to find acceptance and love from the people around me...... Something I always long for, is the very thing that is killing me softly.... Silently and softly, the Wendy I know was eroding on the inside. I try to be like everybody else, I try to blend in and fit in. I try to change myself to make others happy. I went to JC instead of poly because my mum told me to. And the repercussion of that on my soul is unimaginable. Those 2 years in Junior College were the darkest days of my life. 

Now I get why celebrities in the entertainment industry struggle with issues, think the drugs,sex and all. Because they are constantly being judged, put on a pedestral to be someone other than who they truly are on the inside. They desire to find acceptance and yet time and time again they get disappointed because people simply refuse to accept them the way they are.



The desire for fame and popularity taken to extremes becomes fatalistic. My desire to find love and acceptance in my family, friends and society has caused my demise.



I want to find peace within myself. I want to love myself. I want to be myself, not the person that you want me to be, I want to exercise my free will that is sacred to Wendy, that no one can touch, not even the Almighty God Himself. This is my essence of being human. Take away my freedom to exercise my free will and I become a robot.... just like everyone else who will do things simply because other people asks them to. I feel like vomiting now, like literally. The very society that I believe in..... we sacrificed creativity and our human soul in the name of making more money, of being more economically viable... And I feel like a money making machine, mass produced. This could be my retribution. All the times I tried to change people so they could fit my mold. I realized that the very things that I stood for, by trying to make it better than things are with my all "higher ways".... has backfired.




Authenticity, do we value it at all? Or we want people who are just like us, if they are different, or they choose to do things differently, then they must be wrong?

I feel so beautiful

Can't no one tell me no

My life's a circus show

No matter where I go

When She's Looking I Fall Apart

I feel so suffocated I just had to blog it out.

My grandma is driving me up the wall with her incessant nagging. And I really mean INCESSANT. She don't just say it once or say it twice. She can say it 10 times a day!!! And I am NOT exaggerating. She wants to control what time I eat, sleep and shower........... and I'm not gonna give in to her. I am a free-spirit that doesn't want to be controlled. Maybe when I was 12 years old, she could do that, but not when I am a freaking 22-yr-old adult. I wish I can walk up to her, strike a Gaga-ish pose and say, " I'm a free bi*ch baby! " Hahahahahaha. Look at this video, I almost cried because I felt so much connection with the song and the performance. Blast up your speakers to max volume cos it's soft and you absolutely cannot miss the WOW effect at 4.08 mins!!

Edited Lyrics of Dance in the Dark

Silicone,
Saline,
Poison,
Inject me
and baby I'm a free
bi*ch;
I'm a free
bi*ch.

Some girls won't dance to the beat of the track.
She won't walk away, but she won't look back.
She looks good but her GRANDMA says she's a mess,
she's a mess,
she's a mess,
Now the girl is stressed.
she's a mess,
she's a mess,
she's a mess,
she's a mess.

Baby loves to dance in the dark,
'Cuz when she's lookin' she falls apart.
Baby loves to dance in the dark.


She looks good but her GRANDMA says she's a tramp,
she's a tramp,
she's a vamp,
but she still does her dance.
she's a tramp,
she's a vamp,
but she still kills the dance.


In the dark,
She loves to dance in the dark,
in the dark,
she loves, she loves to dance in the dark.

Marilyn,
Judy,
Sylvia,
Tell 'em how you feel girls.

Work your blonde
Benet Ramsey haunt like Liberace

Find your freedom in the music,
find your Jesus,
find your Cupid.

You will never fall apart,
Diana you're still in our hearts.

Never let you fall apart,
together we'll dance in the dark.

Hai.... In absolutes, be absolute, but in gray areas, give people the freedom to be who they like to be. Why don't they get it. HUGE generation gap. I hate dead traditions, hate controlling mindsets.


B. Darren once said, " In the presence of control, there can only be rebellion." Creative pple hate to be controlled, creative pple function differently from most people. Aiya, why do I even bother to explain. I am sick and tired of pple saying things that make me feel bad or guilty about myself. I am a good girl. A girl that doesn't smoke, doesn't gamble, doesn't steal, a girl of compassion that wants to help the less fortunate..... a girl that has a lot of ideas, a lot of big dreams.


I'm just not their typical traditional girl that cooks, cleans, washes and gives in to all their demands kind, and they just cannot accept it. They just can't love and accept me for who I am, who I really really am on the inside. But I've long given up on this desire already, cos I know them so well but they dunno peanuts about me.


Dear boyfriend, please marry me quickly. I am too poor now to rent a room of my own outside and it is too miserable and stressful for me to stay here. I need to come home to a shelter where I can let down my hair and breathe, where I can be free to be me after fighting my battles in the marketplace. My home is the last place I want a lot of noise and stress, it creates a huge psychological toll on me.  I beg you. Please hurrry. ='( Otherwise, I need to start spending an extra $600, $700 every month to rent a room and they might still haunt me down.


God, please help Aaron to help me and please help me to help Aaron and help myself cos I can't stay in this pseudo-home for long. I want to be let out of the cage. I want to fly. And I will do whatever it takes to get there.


If my bf says to me, " I'll  never let you fall apart, let's dance in the dark." I will melt... Ahhh, I'm a hopeful romantic!


Let's dance in the dark people. We never have to fall apart.

Chase the Monday Blues Away!

Initially I thought there'll be no weekly meeting today since we just had one 4 days ago after boss came back from his Taiwan holiday! Alas, there still is one and at the start of it, boss shared about Invictus! Yay I'm so in flow with boss, I hope he will nag at me less!!! Hahahahaha! ANYWAY, he learnt 3 lessons from Invictus:

1. We always need to be motivated. Reading the poem was what keep the Nelson Mandela in the movie going throughout the 27 years of imprisonment!

2. Discipline. According to boss, Mandela would wake at 4.30am everyday, jog/walk at 5am, hit the office at 7am and work till late at night. If you ask me, that's definitely not the kind of life I want!

3. Big heart. Mandela forgave the whites who put him behind bars. After his release, he not only accepted and worked with them, but even won their trust.

I was bored during the meeting and so I was tweeting and I saw this!

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Sun with DJ Chichilarue

DJ Chichilarue is a transvestite and he or she is also a porn director! And of course I was initially surprised to see the photo but I am truly loving Sun because she does not discriminate! I've never had a friend who is gay, bisexual or anything other than the socially accepted norms but I pray that when the day comes, I will love and accept them as I would everyone else. :) No homophobia allowed! The Uganda government is crazy to want to sentence homosexuals to death! Homos are not human beings meh!? Siao! My respect for Sun went up another notch! Sun I salute you!

Since we're on this topic... Heard about the recent news of the "woman" who was molested by 3 men at a beach countdown party? According to the photos, she might be a transvestite but I can't say for sure. The issue however I think is not so much of whether he or she is trans but whether or not the person was willing to be touched and from this photo of he or she smiling, it says it all. So.... it's just Singaporeans making a big hoo ha out of nothing. Chey! If it's real molest taking place, I think S'poreans won't be so stupid to just look and not do anything about it right? I really hope not cos I cannot fathom such an inward-looking and selfish S'pore!

Talking about gays and the like...

I always wondered why many gays are so amazingly creative. Think hairdressers, fashion designers, etc and..... the crazily talented Lady Gaga, she was or still is bisexual. I post this question to my friends and I got these 2 responses:

1) My guy friend,"Gays are very creative meh? I don't think so."

2) My very intelligent female friend, "I think it's because gays have to take huge steps to break out of socially accepted norms due to their sexuality and in doing so, their creativity is unleashed!"


And recently I also thought of this theory:

3) Maybe many gays who were initially normal were fiercely creative right from the start but people didn't get them and didn't appreciate their creativity and as a result, it drove them to turn into other means of expressing themselves and they found it in being gay?

What say you? 

I am the Captain of My Soul

Invictus is Latin for unconquered, a movie starring Morgan Freeman as Nelson Mandela. In the movie, Mandela is released from imprisonment after 27 years, is elected President of South Africa and attempts to eradicate racism and unite the blacks and the whites in what seemed like an impossible task. I dunno why, but I felt all emotional when he walked out of prison and when he said his vows during the swearing in ceremony! The poem Invictus, was what motivated Mandela's character to pull through his dark days in prison (though not true in real life). Shall not spoil it for you, go catch the movie!

Invictus

Out of the night that covers me,

Black as the pit from pole to pole,

I thank whatever gods may be

For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance

I have not winced nor cried aloud.

Under the bludgeonings of fate

My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears

Looms but the Horror of the shade,

And yet the menace of the years finds

And shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,

How charged with punishments the scroll,

I am the master of my fate:

I am the captain of my soul.

Guess who wrote it!? 'At the age of 12, Henley became a victim of tuberculosis of the bone. A few years later the disease progressed to his foot, and physicians announced that the only way to save his life was to amputate directly below the knee. In 1867, he would successfully pass the Oxford local examination as a senior student. In 1875, he wrote the "Invictus" poem from a hospital bed. Despite his disability, he survived with one foot intact and led an active life until the age of 53.' (From Wikipedia)

Awesome!!! It matters not how strait the gate, How charged with punishments the scroll, I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul. Ah, I'm appreciating poetry again! Inspired! :)

Gaga + Polaroid = Boomz!

I hope you've heard! Lady Gaga is now the Creative Director of Polaroid! Call it a publicity stunt but we shall see how the Lady resurrects Polaroid and wow us over! U know why I love Lady Gaga? Cos she is NEVER BORING. Always something fresh, always full of surprises. I for one, CANNOT STAND boring things. And so, Lady Gaga is like a breath of huge fresh air for me! Check out her interview with CNBC below on the new partnership, Gaga sure is a sophisticated woman!

Reflection of 2009 in Imparfait

Imparfait means imperfect in French, a booklet compiled by Zhi Nian for all of us at E441. Edited and reused for this! ;)

"2009 was a year of transition for me as I moved from being a University student to a full-time working adult. Even as I took a leap of faith to become a Financial Services Consultant because I saw the potential in the business...the power of it helping people and touching their lives and of course not forgetting that the nature of the job fits my personality like a lock and key, things weren't always as smooth-sailing as I wished it was.

First of all, I had to deal with the tremendous rejection I felt from my parents because they were not supportive of my career choice. There was one day when I was feeling down after being disciplined by my manager, that I suffered a second blow when my mum criticized my decision to be a Consultant at my grandma's birthday celebration. I was working hard, trying harder to make good of my life but I felt very disappointed that instead of being proud of their daughter, they put me down and discouraged me. What ensued were uncontrollable tears that rolled down my cheeks in front of my relatives at the dinner table. Embarrassed, I forced myself to stop crying only to start again 5 mins later. I couldn't take it longer and walked out of the dinner that night. And for the next few days, I struggled to shake off my depression.

But what really picked me up again was knowing that I'm not the first person who was disappointed by people who mattered the most and nor will I be the last. I watched the movie 'Fame' and it resonated with my heart because like the characters in the movie, I have big dreams, I'm pursuing them and people aren't always supportive... "Everything you want to change about yourself, all the parts of yourself that you keep secret, it's your power, it's who you are."

I also heard about businessman Ivan Lee's story from my boyfriend, about how when he wanted to start Thai Express, his wife was like, "Thai Express? What kind of name is that?" And his immediate family members and relatives kept telling him that his restaurant ideas won't work. But he pressed on with his dreams and went on to open Xin Wan Hong Kong Cafe, New York New York, Shokudo and more and is now earning millions of dollars with restaurant chains all over Singapore.

I always believed that God has a great destiny installed for me and I still believe it now. Even as I strive to be the head and not the tail, above and not beneath, I know it's not without challenges. But I thank God that I managed to breakthrough family and societal expectations of me. The only way I can succeed is without any fear holding me back! I have only one life to live and like what Sun says, I "have to" pursue my dreams. That's what makes me human, that what that gives me freedom. 2010 will be my best year yet! Amen. =)"     

A Wonderful Today!

Woo, I had a great day! Despite having very little sleep rushing my assignment, it had been a fruitful and fulfilling day! =)

First of all, I caught a a couple of things from Zoe's msg today!

1. Me being 'I' is a talent and I need to use it! WOW, I never saw it that way! I always thought it is simply part of my personality but today I realize that it is also a talent! I can get very excited and enthusiastic and exude a lot of energy about things without feeling tired or feeling like it is an obligation to behave that way. Being enthu is like 2nd nature to me... no wonder I was crowned the "Energizer Bunny"! Haha. I'm a natural cheerleader, a 90+ % 'I' personality... This is my talent! Parable of the talents => Need to continue to use it and see it multiply!

2. Being good is enemy of being best, but best can also be enemy of the good! What do I mean here? Let me explain: How many times have I not stepped out and done something because I feel that I'm not the best though I may be good in that thing? Countless! But how will my good become the best if I don't continue to work on and use the good that I have? It is only in not despising the average that I perceive myself to have and displaying it that I can learn and grow from being average in something to good and eventually to great and best! Yeah!

3. E441 is not a random bunch of people put tgt... it is a divine arrangement. Yes, yes, so treasure it I will! Picnic on Fri at Botanical Gardens tgt is YAYYNESS! =D Don't disappoint me pple! Keke. =)

Wow, today's cg msg alone I received a couple of revelations already. Must be SOT power. =p

Totally loved Touch of Heaven Unplugged, it just gets better and better! Always be a DT baby! What is better than seeing my 2 dear leaders sing and my 2 buddies act on stage with my boyfriend beside me!?? Nothing! Haha... except maybe performing tgt with them! (later get sabo! =p Just kidding!)

After the event, I also got the opportunity to get to know this person that I see almost every week for the last 2 years but don't actually personally know much about him (yes I know, how did I manage to do that right...!? It's a good 2 yrs leh!) And that person is none other than... An Xian! =) I found out that he was from Nanyang Pri and C'monwealth Sec and that he's going to NUS next month to start his Mechanical Engineering degree , taking 3 modules in advance first! I also learnt that he started drawing weapons and warfare machineries since he was in primary school before branching out to sketch many other objects and even people! I sort of secretly wish he can sketch a picture of me... now it's not secret anymore! Lol. I like to find out new things about pple, cool! ;)

Oh, and I cheonged to add Sun on my FB! =D My memorable 25 April 2009 couldn't be better. *smiles*

So this week I have been cooped up at home recovering from a bout of nasty viral infection since Sunday. 5 days of being sick (somebody say urgh).

I've had sinus since I was like 12. Told doctor bout my sensitive nose problem and he recommended me to use a nasal spray. I tried using those once or twice while I was studying in secondary school but stopped because the smell was just too disgusting for me. Hence, this time, the doctor prescribed me with a scent-free one and so far so good. Now, not only do I have to apply ear cream daily, I have to use the nasal spray everyday (somebody say sigh).

I guess the highlight of my "unhealthy week " was my FOC part-time domestic maid coming to help me sweep the floor and feed me porridge and some TLC. Haha. He's the best! =D (say aww... ;))


** Can I have a new body pls!? **

I heard this song on radio and you came to my mind. This song is for you my friend...





In my place, in my place
Were lines that I couldn't change
I was lost, oh yeah

I was lost, I was lost
Crossed lines I shouldn't have crossed
I was lost, oh yeah

Yeah, how long must you wait for him?
Yeah, how long must you pay for him?
Yeah, how long must you wait for him?

I was scared, I was scared
Tired and underprepared
But I wait for you

If you go, if you go
Leaving me here on my own
Well I wait for you

Yeah, how long must you wait for him?
Yeah, how long must you pay for him?
Yeah, how long must you wait for him?

Please, please, please
Come on and sing to me
To me, me

Come on and sing it out, out, out
Come on and sing it now, now, now
Come on and sing it

In my place, in my place
Were lines that I couldn't change
I was lost, oh yeah
Oh yeah

I thought I was helping her... now I feel like perhaps I have done her a disservice. Placing one's self-esteem on one's own capabilities is a dangerous thing. You need confidence girl... and there is only one way to get it. I'm sorry, sweetheart. Take comfort in the fact that everything is working together for your good. Perhaps you take away some valuable lessons from this.

A withdrawal has been made. And the result is dark eye bags and tired eyes...

People, don't check my blog again until I announce that it is ready for viewing. Blogging hiatus, and I wanna revamp this site so stay tuned! ;)

You know,  before I came to America, I was super looking forward to it. And to be honest, I was looking forward to escaping Xmas for once because you know, the Xmas season means work for us. But now... Now I realize there's no place like home and I can't wait to get back. I'm counting down to my flight back... just 2 more days! I'll be touching down on Xmas day at Changi Airport around 12.55pm with no less than 3 heavy bags. -_-"' Prob going JW. So yay, I'll be back in time for the last round of Xmas drama! ;)

My laptop is so gone so I can't use the internet as and when I would like to which is absolutely horrible. I'm blogging from a computer at the front desk of the hotel reception now and the connection is cannot make it one... it gets disconnected every few minutes. -_-''' I'm trying to not be bitter over the fact that my mum refused to get me a new laptop? Well, she should try being me for a day, experience what it feels like to be halfway across the world having classes at where she has dreamt about coming to for the last 2.5 years and not being able to use the computer to do research; upload the photos taken on Facebook,and Skype+MSN with the pple she loves. That said, I should try being her for a day. And I bet I'll hate it to the core. Poverty is a curse and damn, I want to be rich. My children shall never have to face this kind of desperate situation. I shall be a generous and loving mother who will allow my children to live comfortably and happily.

Okay, enough of my blabbering. I shall remind myself of the good things that are happening to me. During lunch break in OCU today, I was queuing to go into the cafeteria when this tall, black lady right behind me complimented about my shades and when I was about to pay, she simply asked that the bill be on her and treated me lunch! I was very happy of course and thanked her. And she doesn't even know my name. Would this kind of thing happen in S'pore? I doubt so. Asians, or at least, myself growing up, are taught not to talk to strangers, blah blah blah, all that kind of nonsense. Treat a stranger whom you met for the first time to a meal? Never! I love the American culture. I love it for its generosity, I love it for its liberality, I love it for its creative power. Throw away all the immorality in it and American culture would be awesome. Wendy is Americanized in her outlook in life(if you haven already noticed)... I prize freedom and liberality like the Americans do. I love their music, I love their movies, I love their style, their language and so much more. It's America baby! Haha.

During lunch break, I also met this student, a black girl called Angelina who is working part-time in the PLUS (for oversea programs) office when she's not having classes. She was really nice, helping me to log onto my OCU email which I had trouble getting into initially and answering the questions that I had for her. Yeah, you know me, asking questions is like my middle name. Those who can't stand this learning habit of mine can't survive being friends with me and that's just too bad! I only managed to log onto my OCU email just now and finally, after 2.5 years of being a OCU student, I am in the OKCU network on Facebook, yayness. =P

After class this evening, we were brought to see the Chickasha Festival of Holiday Lights. I saw many ang moh children there and I said hi and took pictures of them! Heh. =D And no, I can't show you photos now, no thanks to my laptop. But soon, I hope... Might consider buying a laptop here with the money that my mum, grandma and da gu has blessed me with for this trip. Yes, I'm truly blessed... more than I even realize myself. After enjoying the display of lights, Professor Leo Weneke, the one who gave me an A+ for Philosophy class, treated all of us to ice cream at Braums. And mind you, that was 45 people at least. And he must have spent at least a hundred US dollars, just like that. This is how generous Americans are okay... stingy Singaporeans out there, GET A LIFE.

As you ought to know, I am taking my Environmental Science class now. Professor Louis Krutchwitz is probably in her 50s or 60s and she speaks rather slowly and monotonously and her teaching style is pretty haphazard, jumping from one topic to another without clear transitions in between... And a Science class is pretty mind-boggling for a pure Arts student like me. Oh well, only 2 more days of classes with her. And I'm so dead if she reads this, haha. In the morning later, we're going on a field trip to the Wichita mountain here in Oklahoma. It's already freezing cold here on the ground level, so man, it's gonna get interesting up there, lol. I'll probably be insulating myself with 4 layers and no less. The bus leaves at 7.30am, I have to wake up at 6am, it's 1.55am here now and it took me more than an hour to type this entry (see why I haven been blogging that often now? =P) . I haven't talked so much on my blog for a long time. I hope this entry has been a thought-provoking and interesting one for you! Till next time, adious. Pls keep me in prayers all my dear friends, one of my classmates has fallen ill and I can't afford to do so, what with the freezing cold weather here... Love ya all! =)

Blurgh. I dun feel well and I'm tired. Blog tmr!

Okay, I haven't been blogging. Let's just say I've been focusing on other important areas of my life. Haha.

I am pleased to announce that I've finally travelled outside of Asia for the 1st time in the 21 years of my life! I pray that I will be in health the next 17 days while I'm here and have the time of my life. I just reached my hotel in Oklahoma City a few hrs ago. I had expected a skyscraper tall hotel like the ones in S'pore but no, there are no skyscapers in Oklahoma! All I saw were trees and short buildings while I was travelling in the cab from Will Rogers World Airport. OKC is clearly a countryside area! Urgh, next time I wanna visit New York City and LA for real! GO WITH ME PLS. =)

The adventure begins tmr with the orientation. We'll be brought to OKC Memorial and Museum for a tour, as well as shopping at Wal-Mart! Pictures tmr I promise!

Btw, it's 3 degrees celcius and 1.19am here now. Brrr.

It's so ungentlemanly for guys to make girls wait and they totally don't see it. Blurgh. I wonder how someone can be sensitive and yet so insensitive at times. I feel like I'm taken for granted and I want to minus marks - tick,tick, tick, tick,cross, cross! Haiz, no one is perfect. But the imperfections can sometimes really destroy things, don't they? Wake up, wake up! Or should I be the one waking up??

Talking about much happier stuff, Asia Conference has been nothing short of excellent, fantastic and life-changing so far. Daddy totally melt my heart and blew me away with what He told me today. What do I do now? Show me Your way!

Having 669 friends on Facebook means having relationship stories pop up on my newsfeed everryyy day. One primary school friend whom we dated in primary 5 for like a week (lol) has broken up with his cute gf, another of my ex-dance group mate went from being 'in a relationship ' with her bf of 2 years to 'single' and then to 'it's complicated'. And then a nice girl I got to know in the SIM/SMU cluster in POS 2007 is now attached to a guy I randomly met in church. Haha. And the guy is one year younger than the girl? Haha. Well, I can only pray that my relationship status will go from 'single' to 'in a relationship with' my prince charming, to 'engaged to' and then to 'married to' him, nothing more and nothing less! Heh.

I felt like crying yesterday after I found out what I found out but I thank God for emotional support, for friends with whom I can share my burdens with and feel encouraged after talking to. Thank God for friends whom I know are praying for me too. =) All things work together for my good! I need faith to continue fighting for what I believe in and I shall not lose heart when things are not what I want them to be now!

Anyway, I watched Madagascar 2 already! Not as good as the first one!

Catching a acoustic concert at RP with Vann Vann later! =) We've got a task to do there. ;)

I Don't Love You - Originally by MCR, covered by Mia Rose

Well when you go
Don't ever think I'll make you try to stay
And maybe when you get back
I'll be off to find another way

When after all this time that you still owe
You're still a good-for-nothing I don't know
So take your gloves and get out
Better get out
While you can

When you go
Would you even turn to say
"I don't love you
Like I did
Yesterday"

Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading
So sick and tired of all the needless beating
But baby when they knock you
Down and out
That's where you oughta stay

When after all the blood that you still owe
Another dollar's just another blow
So fix your eyes and get up
Better get up
While you can
Whoa, whooa

When you go
Would you even turn to say?
"I don't love you
Like I did
Yesterday."

Well come on, come on

When you go
Would you have the guts to say?
"I don't love you
Like I loved you
Yesterday."

I don't love you
Like I loved you
Yesterday

I don't love you
Like I loved you
Yesterday

Just came back from choir prac! Sat beside Vanessa, the Alto today cos Evan, my Soprano buddy didn't come. And one particularly interesting conversations b/n the many that Vann and I had goes like this:

Wen Wen: Wah, yr skin very smooth leh, I like!
Vann Vann: Hee hee.
Wen Wen: Uh, if I become lesbian how?
Vann Vann: (with serious look) No, that will never happen.
Wen Wen: Haha, ya lor, I like boys so much!
Vann Vann: Ya, haha.
Wen Wen: We love...
Wen & Vann in unison: Shoes, bags and BOYS(the slogan on one of her tees)! Hahahaha.

We were just kidding of course. We definitely live for so much more than just those things. Thanks to gf, I survived the boring X'mas carols prac! Well, I won't be singing those carols in Dec cos I'll be away in America so I practically have no reason to learn them and hence my boredom! Speaking of which, I still have my student Visa to apply, tour and domestic flights within US to book! Nov is gonna be a pretty busy mth! Got exam and assignment due on the 15th, followed by 5 days of Asia Conference from 19th to 23rd, pack luggages for trip and off I go on the 30th! =)


My life rocks, thank you Jesus! =)

Love is definitely in the air. Just this last week alone, I have 4 friends getting attached and 1 friend getting married!! Looks like pst has been praying really hard for us. LOL. Congratulations to Chloe & Zong Xing (both from SOT 2008), Eugene, Ivan and not forgetting Diana & Lawrence whom are now one! When will it my turn?? 2009! I prophecy! Muahaha.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails . . . - 1 Cor 13: 4-8

Love is patient, Wendy. 'Wait' may not exactly be the fave word in your dictionary but learn to wait. Wait, wait, wait. Good things come to those who wait. I hope so at least.

Britney Spears' Birthday Bash On Television

Pop princess Britney Spears will celebrate her 27th birthday in style, blowing out candles on live television later this year.

The Sagittarius will usher in the special occasion by singing at Bryant Park in New York City on December 2. Britney's performance will be televised live on the US breakfast show, Good Morning America.

The singer's birthday bash has apparently sparked a feud amongst American TV networks because everyone wants a piece of her.

Okay, my no holds barred confession about me wanting to have a bf did conjure up different reactions from different people. But I remember the encouraging ones - that I'm just being normal (Sophia), that it's great that I know exactly what I want in life (Gajaen) and that my courage is admired for being so honest about it (Benedict). =) Of course, I got some unwanted attention here and there but may I say I realized that the older I get, the bolder I am! I'm just not afraid of anything anymore. Sometimes it's not good, because I get too liberal with the things I say (read: the recent entry that I took down), but I think most of the time, it's all good because I healthily voice out how I feel here and not keep things held up inside which can be really unhealthy. I just have to make sure that I offend no one at it. ;)

Less than 24 hrs to being officially 21! Looking forward to adult life!

Btw, The Rasmus' latest album, Black Roses, totally rocks and this is the first single from it:

Living In A World Without You

It's hard to believe that it came to this
You paralyzed my body with the poisoned kiss
For 40 days and nights I was chained to your bed
You thought that was the end of the story
Something inside me called freedom came alive
Living in a world without you

You told me, my darling
Without me, you're nothing
You taught me to look in your eyes
And fed me your sweet lies

Suddenly someone was there in the window
Looking outside at the sky that had never been blue
Ah, there's a world without you
I see the light
Living in a world without you
Ah, there is hope to guide me
I will survive
Living in a world without you

It's hard to believe that it came to this
You paralyzed my body with the poisoned kiss
For 40 days and nights I was chained to your bed
You thought that was the end of the story
Something inside me called freedom came alive
Living in a world without you

You put me together
Then trashed me for pleasure
You used me again and again
Abused me, confused me

Suddenly naked I run through your garden
Right through the gates of the past and I'm finally free
Ah, there's a world without you
I see the light
Living in a world without you
Ah, there is hope to guide me
I will survive
Living in a world without you

Bringing the house down at Youth'Em Freedom of Choice tmr! ;)

Some people just makes me wanna take down the earlier post but I shall not care. I'm still very happy even though I'm single but I know that I'll be even happier if I'm with the right person. That was basically what I was trying to say, just that it was stated in a very extreme and expressive way. So I don't care if you get any wrong ideas!

Met Val dear for dinner at Pasta Waraku. She gave me a treat! I was on cloud nine! Sooo happy! Haha.





The rest of the photos are on FB! It's almost a ritual to upload pics there, do a nice description, come up with a creative title and tag all the pple. FB has become a way of life. That is how powerful one social networking website can be.

Yours truly,
The No. 1 FB fan (hur hur)

I ditched the heels and wore sneakers out today. Feels damn shiok! =)

Okay, this post is half inspired by Janet's 21st Oct blog entry. The other half is cos I got no one to go out with me now! Was supposed to meet Evan to go shop for our birthday suits tgt but she's meeting her friends instead. And Zoe already made plans so I can't redeem my fellowship voucher again. So I end up having no one to shop with! IF ONLY I HAD A BF!!!

I WANT A BOYFRIENDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD.

I'LL MAKE AN AWESOME GIRLFRRRIIIIIEEEEENDDD.

I WANT TO GET MARRRRIIIIIIEEEDDDDDDDDDDDDDD.

I WANT TO HAVE LOVELY CHILDRENNNNNNNNNNNN.

I'LL BE AN AWESOOOMMMMMEEEE WIFE AND MOTHERRRRRR, I PROMISE!!!! ANDDD I'LL BUILT A HAPPY, STRONG AND INTIMATE FAMILYYYY THAT WILL LEAVE A LEGACYYYYYYYYY.

ZAH. Power of confession. Haha. RAWRS.
*slaps the incomplete self with an urge for a merge*
Sighs.

* Disclaimer: This is NOT an advertisement for a bf. I'm desperate but not THAT desperate. I just need to expressssssss how I feel nowwwwwww....................... BLAH.

Okay, so we didn't make it into the finals but it's fine! I'm still happy cos we get to perform on Youth'Em FOC on Sun and at my party. ;) Or at least I am happy! =)

Check out my new $142.40 hairdo yo, thanks to grandmama

who sponsored it! My 21st birthday present from her! ;)

Hee hee hee. Don't be angry at me for trying to be creative pls? =) It's just for laughs okay!? =D

Hope you like it? =P



Awesome time practising dance with you ladies! Let's rock the house down on Sun! D'Dolls Domination! =P

The rest of the photos are up on FB. Click here! I'll smack you if ask me what FB is! Haha. Debbilicious, u are all over my FB photos but I can't tag u! Hrpmh. And Elson, get FB pls! (; Cheerios, FB better employ me. Heh.

Father's Love Letter

My 21st birthday is just 8 days away! *nervous* Haha. What I really, really and may I emphasize REALLY need now are:

1. Ipod Video - Expensive? I know. But I don't care if 20 people share to get me one. At least give me Apple vouchers or something! Haha.

2. Canon Ixus digital camera - I'm going to US for a month and I really need a good camera! 8 megapixels and above pls! Expensive again? I know. 30 people can share and I won't care. LOL.

3. Money $$$ - Again, I'm going to America. If you dunno what to get me, just give me money and I'll be more than happy to receive it. =)


Alternatively, you may give me the following:

• Shopping Vouchers - Capitaland, Marina Square, Guess, Mango, Zara, etc. Almost anything goes.
• Earrings - Nice-looking ones I hope? My fave are the hook-on ones. =)
• Books - Inspire me
• Clothes - Hmmm, I've always wanted a vest. But I don't want to end up receiving 5? Haha.
  

Please don't get me the following! :

• Chocolates - I mean I love them but nah uh, I rather you give me money or vouchers than choc. =)
• Soft Toys - They are cute but again, I rather receive money or vouchers than these cuddly figures.
• Decorative Items - No no no....

Anyway, I like bling bling stuff. ;) Remember to come dressed in Black, Pink or ideally Black and Pink yeah? See you sooon! We're gonna have a heaven of party tgt! ;) I'm gonna be such a happy happy 21-year-old if I receive a lots of money,a pink Ipod and a pink Canon Digicam! *BIG SMILE* =D

I chanced upon this song on Youtube! Did you know that letting go is an art? I wonder how many people in this world can truly master it. . .



Art of Letting Go - Mikaila

Put away the pictures, put away the memories
I put over and over through my tears
I've held them 'till I'm blind, they kept my hope alive
As if somehow that I'd keep you here
Once you believe in a love forevermore
How do you leave it in a drawer?

Now here it comes, the hardest part of all
Unchain my heart that's holding on
How do I start to live my life alone?
Guess I'm just learning, learning the art of letting go

Try to say it's over, say the word goodbye
But each time it catches in my throat
You're still here in me and I can't set you free
So I hold on to what I wanted most
Maybe someday we'll be friends forevermore
Wish I could open up that door

Now here it comes the hardest part of all
Unchain my heart that's holding on
How do I start to live my life alone
Guess I'm just learning, learning the art of letting go

Watching us fade, what can I do
But try to make it through the pain
Of one more day without you

Where do I start to live my life alone
I guess I'm learning, only learning
Learning the art of letting go