I am a believer.
I believe in love, I believe in marriage and in a “happily ever after” and having the happiness and warmth of family.
And so I fight; I get disappointed and upset but I pick myself up time and time again telling myself if I stick around for just a little longer, things will start to change and get better.
I get really hurt but I hung on tight to my dream, I didn’t give up.
But on a day like this when I get so tired of fighting and believing, the words of affirmation that I need are nowhere to be found.
No one is holding my hands, looking into my eyes and telling me that, “Everything is gonna be okay.”
When I stopped believing, I thought he wouldn’t. I hoped he would tell me to give it one more try. But he isn’t.
I thought he would be a believer when I’m losing my ability to believe. But his lack of action just tells me that he is less of a believer than I am.
Action or the lack of it just speaks so loud. It’s deafening.
Where is he just when you needed him to stand up like a man and quickly do so some damage control? Where is that determination to make things happy and good again that you wished he had when you didn’t?
No sms, no phonecall, no tweets, no writing on yr FB wall, no private msg, no email, nothing.
And so, after all tissue papers and the hours of hours of waiting for nothing, I tell myself, “That’s it. I can’t go on like this anymore.”
Everything was but just a dream. The reality of it eludes me to the point where I don’t believe it anymore.
It’s all too late.
Now, I was a believer. And I was a really determined believer.
I was.
