It's 5 am in the morning, I'm still recovering from a viral infection but I am sitting in front of my computer typing this entry now because... I am very provoked about something and I want to express it here in the best manner I know how before I forget about it.
When I started Lady-Wen.blogspot.com, I had determined in my heart that on this blog,
I will not just talk about the happy, positive things that are taking place in my life. I will also talk about the pain, the issues, the struggles and the thoughts that are going through my heart and my mind. I had determined that I will be as authentic as I can be and want to be on this blog. I want to lay it bare.
I want to do this is because I realized that in the past, I always go on a blogging hiatus when things are not going well in my life. When I go through bad things and when I have politically incorrect things to say, I go on a limbo, "Should I say this? Should I not say this? How to say it? Etc."
And because of me thinking and over-thinking what I want to say and what not to say, I end up having entries in drafts that no one ever got to see and
a blog that is not an accurate reflection of my life, my reality.
This is what I do not want. The world is full of blogs that are not an accurate reflection of reality (pls note that I did not say that it is wrong) and that is simply that not my preference at this point in time. Which brings me to the point, is it right for someone to judge me merely based on what I write on my blog? Is it right for someone to pinpoint fingers at me and say, "Hey, you should not be talking like this on your personal blog?" I guess I will have to leave that to you, my blog reader to decide.
One of my humble desire for this blog is that it can challenge the mindset that many religious people have. "Oh, woe to you for talking like that on your blog! GOD WILL NOT BE PLEASED. What would Jesus do? Would Jesus say this kind of things if He were a blogger(LOL!)?"
And if you think that I'm a crazy person who thinks I know it all. I can assure you that I don't.
The more I know, the more I realize how much I don't really know. So I am humbly trying to do what I think I know in the hope that in this process of what I call,
"Self Discovery", I will become a better person in God's timing... not your timing, sorry! :)
For too long my friends, Christians have been labeled as hypocrites because we have this front that we put up. And I myself was very much a hypocrite in the past. If you ask me to choose to be hypocritically prim and proper or authentically crazy, I choose the latter. Not because I am being authentically crazy merely for the sake of being so, but I am simply choosing to type down the thoughts that are going through my mind the moments that I'm blogging without over-thinking it.
This is my art. And art is meant to be appreciated.
I believe that in itself carries power which for too long, Christians have forgotten how to use.
'Staling': "Having lost novelty or interest. Having lost freshness,
vigor, quick intelligence, initiative, or the like."
And of course, as the imperfect person that I am, words you see on this blog will be edifying, pretty and good
as well as bad, crude and ugly. And when I want to type something that is bad and ugly here,
I won't be like, " Oh no, this is so bad and ugly, should I say it or should I not say it? What happens when other people read what I say? They are going to be so stumbled oh my gosh oh my gosh I'm so scared! I'm giving Jesus a bad name, how can I!??" LOL.
If you are expecting a prim and proper blog with only the right words, then I'm sorry, I'm unable to please you with that and you are very much welcomed to not read my blog.
Am I not aware of how being real will ruin my chances of ever becoming a cgl in church?
I perfectly know well. I have always had a passion for pple and believe that I am called to cg leadership but
if being a cg leader means I have to be prim & proper in front of my members at all times, can't say anything bad or politically incorrect, must be super holy, then I rather be a normal member. Because I rather be real and at peace with myself, then become somebody else I'm not in order to be more leader-like.
I value authenticity so much more than political correctness. Because
for so long I tried to be politically correct, and ended up stifling the creativity that God has placed on the inside of me and became a bland person that the world cannot relate to.
And I am trying to live out what I believe in, whether you like it or not. I am unable to please everyone and I will not seek to please everyone because then I am not being true to who I am on the inside and simply putting up a front or a mask just to please you and I'm sure you wouldn't want that either. So yeah, if you are a faint-hearted person who cannot take "controversial" stuff, please, do yourself a favor and not read my blog. =) There, I've said it.
And if you want to read my blog, please, you are very much welcomed too! I only ask that you come to Lady-Wen.blogspot.com with an open mind, that is... if you have one! =D
Can I choose who reads my blog? No. So would God judge me when someone chooses to read my blog? No.
Will God judge me for what I write on this blog? This is between me and Him, none of your business really, so do you want to play God in my life? =)
Rom 14:23 " The way you live isn't consistent with what you believe, then it's wrong."
P.S: If you come from a more liberal culture and you are wondering why the big hooha of trying to explain why I blog what I blog, well, that because I come from a
conservative culture where people tend to be more narrow-minded and we don't really get to enjoy that much freedom of expression without being told, "It's not right!". Sucks balls right?
I totally get you. :)
